Question Digested
Question Digested: 1451
Here's another question I asked with a very long answer in reply. My question is just a pun. I switch "Oracle" with "Ocular." Comedy ensues.
The answer is a clever and detailed parody of a digest for The Internet Oracle. So basically, it's an in-joke for people who get into this deeper than the average "question-asker." Don't feel bad if you don't get it.
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:
Oh great and powerful Oracle...
Hi, I'm The Internet Ocular. I keep getting e-mails intended for you. It doesn't happen too often, so it's not a bother. How do you want to go about dealing with this? I could just forward them to you when I get them or would you like me to just collect them together into a digest?
Hi, I'm The Internet Ocular. I keep getting e-mails intended for you. It doesn't happen too often, so it's not a bother. How do you want to go about dealing with this? I could just forward them to you when I get them or would you like me to just collect them together into a digest?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
Date: Mon, 06 Feb 12 13:43:54 -0500
From: Internet Ocular
Subject: Internet Ocular #0001-01
Selected-By: Tim #1 (aka tim) <tim@tim.tim>
The Internet Ocular has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> The other day I saw a pirate dog, you know with a patch
> and a wooden leg. My sister said, "Look at that dog with
> one eye!" So I covered one eye and looked at it, but it
> didn't really look all that different than when I viewed
> it with one eye. What gives?
And in response, thus spied the Ocular:
} I see. Next time swagger up to the dog and say in your
} best John Wayne voice, "Pilgrim, I know who done shot yer
} Pa."
}
} You must see about giving The Ocular a salty dog, hold the
} the scurvy.
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 06 Feb 12 13:43:55 -0500
From: Internet Ocular
Subject: Internet Ocular #0001-02
Selected-By: Tim #2 (aka tim) <timtim@timtim.tim>
The Internet Ocular has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> How does one get black eyed, peas?
And in response, thus spied the Ocular:
} Usually by fighting over chick peas.
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 06 Feb 12 13:43:56 -0500
From: Internet Ocular
Subject: Internet Ocular #0001-03
Selected-By: Tim #2 (aka tim) <timtim@timtim.tim>
The Internet Ocular has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> How can I catch the eye of that cute guy in Math class?
And in response, thus spied the Ocular:
} Practice your fly fishing and hook him in one of his big
} blue peepers.
}
} You must see your way to giving the Ocular a nightcrawler.
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 06 Feb 12 13:43:58 -0500
From: Internet Ocular
Subject: Internet Ocular #0001-04
Selected-By: Tim #2 (aka tim) <timtim@timtim.tim>
The Internet Ocular has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> Deer InteRNUT Ocular,
>
> What doo you say to A man with A glass EYe named JOberinski?
And in response, thus spied the Ocular:
} Ask him what his other eye is called.
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 06 Feb 12 13:43:59 -0500
From: Internet Ocular
Subject: Internet Ocular #0001-05
Selected-By: Tim #1 (aka tim) <tim@tim.tim>
The Internet Ocular has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> I tried getting my husband some glasses, but he's still
> not seeing things my way. What can I do?
And in response, thus spied the Ocular:
} Get an Eye-vorce.
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 06 Feb 12 13:43:100 -0500
From: Internet Ocular
Subject: Internet Ocular #0001-07
Selected-By: Tim #1 (aka tim) <tim@tim.tim>
The Internet Ocular has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> The sun! It's blinding me! I've been
> decapitated and I'm face up in a wicker bucket!
> What can I do?
And in response, thus spied the Ocular:
} Squint, while you're a head.
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 06 Feb 12 13:43:101 -0500
From: Internet Ocular
Subject: Internet Ocular #0001-08
Selected-By: Tim #1 (aka tim) <tim@tim.tim>
The Internet Ocular has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> What did the law pupil say to the judge?
And in response, thus spied the Ocular:
} Iris my case.
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 06 Feb 12 13:43:102 -0500
From: Internet Ocular
Subject: Internet Ocular #0001-09
Selected-By: Tim #2 (aka tim) <timtim@timtim.tim>
The Internet Ocular has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> I C U!
And in response, thus spied the Ocular:
} Me too.
}
} You must see your way to giving the Ocular a AOL CD.
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 06 Feb 12 13:43:103 -0500
From: Internet Ocular
Subject: Internet Ocular #0001-10
Selected-By: EYE N. Davis (aka end) <end@it.now>
The Internet Ocular has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> Can I wear glasses when I play contact sports?
And in response, thus spied the Ocular:
} Why not? People with only one bottom play tennis.
}
} Wait, that. Hmm. Sorry, I just got back from NYC.
} I flew in on the Red Eye and boy are my arms covered
} with vitreous fluid. Thank you! Thank you! I'll be
} here all week! Be sure and tip the waitresses!
===================================================
end
From: Internet Ocular
Subject: Internet Ocular #0001-01
Selected-By: Tim #1 (aka tim) <tim@tim.tim>
The Internet Ocular has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> The other day I saw a pirate dog, you know with a patch
> and a wooden leg. My sister said, "Look at that dog with
> one eye!" So I covered one eye and looked at it, but it
> didn't really look all that different than when I viewed
> it with one eye. What gives?
And in response, thus spied the Ocular:
} I see. Next time swagger up to the dog and say in your
} best John Wayne voice, "Pilgrim, I know who done shot yer
} Pa."
}
} You must see about giving The Ocular a salty dog, hold the
} the scurvy.
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 06 Feb 12 13:43:55 -0500
From: Internet Ocular
Subject: Internet Ocular #0001-02
Selected-By: Tim #2 (aka tim) <timtim@timtim.tim>
The Internet Ocular has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> How does one get black eyed, peas?
And in response, thus spied the Ocular:
} Usually by fighting over chick peas.
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 06 Feb 12 13:43:56 -0500
From: Internet Ocular
Subject: Internet Ocular #0001-03
Selected-By: Tim #2 (aka tim) <timtim@timtim.tim>
The Internet Ocular has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> How can I catch the eye of that cute guy in Math class?
And in response, thus spied the Ocular:
} Practice your fly fishing and hook him in one of his big
} blue peepers.
}
} You must see your way to giving the Ocular a nightcrawler.
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 06 Feb 12 13:43:58 -0500
From: Internet Ocular
Subject: Internet Ocular #0001-04
Selected-By: Tim #2 (aka tim) <timtim@timtim.tim>
The Internet Ocular has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> Deer InteRNUT Ocular,
>
> What doo you say to A man with A glass EYe named JOberinski?
And in response, thus spied the Ocular:
} Ask him what his other eye is called.
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 06 Feb 12 13:43:59 -0500
From: Internet Ocular
Subject: Internet Ocular #0001-05
Selected-By: Tim #1 (aka tim) <tim@tim.tim>
The Internet Ocular has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> I tried getting my husband some glasses, but he's still
> not seeing things my way. What can I do?
And in response, thus spied the Ocular:
} Get an Eye-vorce.
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 06 Feb 12 13:43:100 -0500
From: Internet Ocular
Subject: Internet Ocular #0001-07
Selected-By: Tim #1 (aka tim) <tim@tim.tim>
The Internet Ocular has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> The sun! It's blinding me! I've been
> decapitated and I'm face up in a wicker bucket!
> What can I do?
And in response, thus spied the Ocular:
} Squint, while you're a head.
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 06 Feb 12 13:43:101 -0500
From: Internet Ocular
Subject: Internet Ocular #0001-08
Selected-By: Tim #1 (aka tim) <tim@tim.tim>
The Internet Ocular has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> What did the law pupil say to the judge?
And in response, thus spied the Ocular:
} Iris my case.
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 06 Feb 12 13:43:102 -0500
From: Internet Ocular
Subject: Internet Ocular #0001-09
Selected-By: Tim #2 (aka tim) <timtim@timtim.tim>
The Internet Ocular has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> I C U!
And in response, thus spied the Ocular:
} Me too.
}
} You must see your way to giving the Ocular a AOL CD.
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 06 Feb 12 13:43:103 -0500
From: Internet Ocular
Subject: Internet Ocular #0001-10
Selected-By: EYE N. Davis (aka end) <end@it.now>
The Internet Ocular has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> Can I wear glasses when I play contact sports?
And in response, thus spied the Ocular:
} Why not? People with only one bottom play tennis.
}
} Wait, that. Hmm. Sorry, I just got back from NYC.
} I flew in on the Red Eye and boy are my arms covered
} with vitreous fluid. Thank you! Thank you! I'll be
} here all week! Be sure and tip the waitresses!
===================================================
end
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